One of the sweet things that has come from the ashes of our adoptions that didn’t go through is being able to help those almost adoptive parents who are experiencing this kind of unique loss–the loss of something that never really was ours that you loved with a reserved part of your heart.
Unless you have been here, you don’t really understand it. Although we really appreciate those who try and listen and don’t preach. Some try to compare it to placing a baby–it isn’t the same. (And I believe the comparison to be offensive to birth mothers.) Some try to compare it to the death of a child–it isn’t the same. (I won’t go into how it is different because I believe the conversation would be contentious.) It’s just a weird limbo place.
I recently had a reader email me and ask how we let ourselves be vulnerable to this kind of heartache again. How do you let yourself hope to adopt after a failed or reversed placement?
The answer is: I don’t know. We just did. It was worth the risk.
I remember last summer hearing this song from Paramore and emailing my friends and telling them this is pretty close to how I felt about Jackson and his birth mom (then an expectant mom)–the only exception.
And you’ll be on your way to believing. And hoping.