We recently spent a month on vacation back east where Mr. R and I are both from.

That’s right, a month. It was glorious and just long enough for us to almost get to do everything we wanted to do.

At the top of the list was spending as much time as we could with Tyson’s birth family.

We had an all-day visit at their home with lots of his extended family, great food and wonderful conversation. They are seriously such a rad family that we are dang lucky to be part of.

It was a perfect day!

Tyson did some trash talking with his birth grandpa. He played with the family dogs and showed us all their tricks. All the boys rocked out on the drums. (One of Tyson’s favorite things to do at their house.)

And he got in lots of snuggled with his birth mom–sharing secrets and good looks.

 

However, the event that I was most excited about during our visit was Tyson’s date with his birth mom.

She came to my parents’ house and picked him up. As soon as she rang the doorbell, he ran to her and gave her a huge hug. Then, for possibly the first time in his life, got his shoes and coat on without being asked. He was totally thrilled. 

Although annoyed that I made him stop and take a few photos, he was giddy about their special day. He even got her a poinsettia.

Off they went on an adventure together. An evening of bonding and making memories, sharing a bond that he can only share with her and her with him. I respect that and I honor it. I love it, actually. She is also his mother.

Aside from planning the time and day for him, I wasn’t involved in their date.

I stayed home and didn’t think twice about it.

This is the wish that I have for all my children–that I can be a bridge during their early years in cultivating a relationship with their birth families (by making the effort to stay in lots of contact, keeping promises, etc.) so that when they are older (is 5 considered older? LOL) that they can have their own relationship that does not involve me but is supported by my husband and me.

Not only do I feel like it is my responsibility, I also feel it is my privilege.

Because I love my children so dearly, I dearly love their first families as well.

He came home and told me all about it–McDonald’s, even a little Chuck E. Cheese and Build-a-Bear. (This is turning into one of their traditions, I think! Tyson has quite the collection with little recorded messages from his birth mom and she the same from him. Above is the bear he made for her. With a light saber, of course.) He was glowing.

Open adoption, friends. I love it. 

 

 

Gavin can often be found wandering around our house having conversations with his birth mother on a phone he made in school or the play phone from the play kitchen.

It’s too much cute for me to handle.

In fact, one day I was encouraging him to put his phone down and come to the table for dinner (we have a strict no-phone rule at our table that includes fake phones as well). He looked at me with all the sass of a 17 year old and proclaimed, “Mom, I am talking to my BIRTH MOM!”

I about died laughing while I said, “Well, tell her I said hello and come to dinner. We can call her for real after you finish eating.”

And we did.

That kid. He is hilarious.

 

Long live open adoption!

The Open Adoption Project is a project my youngest son’s birth mother and I put together while she was visiting several months ago.

We asked The R House Facebook Community if they had any questions for a birth mother and the adoptive mother she placed with in an open adoption …and then we sat down in front of the camera and answered them candidly.

 

Describe an awkward moment during a visit.

You can view all the posts in this project by following the Open Adoption Project tag or by checking out The R House’s YouTube Channel–just look for the yellow and white background.

 

Other questions we have answered:

Can you tell us about your first meeting?

How do you feel about closed adoption?

What was going through your mind on placement day?

Do you ever feel that you “owe” her?

How do you make your open adoption work?

What is your biggest compromise in your open adoption?

Do you get jealous of one another in your open adoption?

Are you completely satisfied with your open adoption?

Did anyone try to talk you out of placing your child for adoption?

Why did you place your baby for adoption?

Open Adoption Giggles–Out takes!

 

We also hope that you will share your experiences in the comments. How was the first day you met the hopeful adoptive mom or expectant mom?