today my aabm panel is answering the following:
Depending on the situation of the first child age and place in the birthmom’s life it would make it clear why they made the decision they did because they will soon find out it would have been hard and it was the best thing at the time. Of course there would be a lot if emotion involved because it would be reliving a pregnancy and the feelings they went through the first time. Also I think if you have an open adoption it would be natural for the kids to know each other and spend time together since they are half brother/sister but every adoption is different. But pretty much since Mr. and Mrs. R are family it would just be another addition for us all! :)
It’s hard for me to answer this because I’m not that birthmom. I don’t think this situation will change her feelings negatively about placing her first child (but again I don’t know her personally). I think that every child ends up where they belong and I hope that she feels the same way! Same goes for the two children. It would be really cool if they could associate, but everyone is different and some don’t ever really want to.
I was kind of the opposite of this situation. I was parenting a child at the time of placement but I can tell you, it was and still is very important for my parented child and my placed child to know one another, associate with one another, and be friends with one another, so yes, it could increase her desire to associate with her child.
I think it’s also important to keep in mind how busy a new baby makes a new Mother so if she seems to pull back some at first, don’t be alarmed, she’s just probably super busy adjusting to life with a newborn!
*a note from mrs. r: for this question, i enlisted the help of my friend kelsey stewart. we have been friends online for quite some time, but met in real life at the 2011 Southwest Regional Families Supporting Adoption Conference.
the reason i asked kelsey to be a guest on the panel today is because she has five children–she has a daughter and twin boys that she placed for adoption and two children that she is raising with her husband. i thought her point of view was different from the rest of the panel and would help provide a better answer to the question.
you can learn more about kelsey on her blog A Birth Mother Voice and through her children’s book, The Best For You that she wrote about her decision to place to help the children she placed understand her reasons. i love her.