This week I have been missing the two babies we “lost” this year.
Don’t get me wrong, I am completely enamored, in love and intoxicated with our new little Jackson! (Isn’t he totally adorable?)
It’s just that the worth of each soul is great and my heart is huge.
I am not up to date on the lives of these two babies I loved and lost this year, but I sure hope Santa was good them and their dads have chosen to be Super Dads and everything a little girl and little boy would hope for in a daddy. I am sure they are in great hands with their mamas.
But, they’ve been in my heart this last week. I am not entirely sure why.
And then this song came on the radio.
It’s a song that I sang over and over and over again to that little boy in Ohio that we had the privilege of loving for a handful of days. I sang it to him, rocked him and kissed on his cheeks. I still believed that he may be able to come home with us. I was “still looking up.”
“But there are dreams that cannot be…”
A rush of those memories and feelings came back to me as I turned around from the front seat and sang my heart out to my three little duckies. Tyson was busy playing on the iPad, Jackson was asleep in his baby carrier …but there was my Gavin. My sweet middle baby with his giant gorgeous eyes (inherited from his birth mom) staring at me.
Deep pools of wonder looking into my soul.
And we had a moment. I sang. He listened. I poured out the ache in my heart through those lyrics and somehow, those giant, innocent eyes soaked it up. He had no idea what was going on …but the pureness of his little self and those eyes just took all the hurt away.
And you know what was left? Complete joy.
Joy in the life I have.
Joy in the three adorable babies I call my own.
Joy in the family I get to create with my amazing husband.
I cannot wait to see what 2013 holds for us.