cars and infertility

 

Mr. R and I need to get a second car.

I want to and I don’t want to at the same time.

It’s a loooong story.

Previously on the real world, I have been stoked about it! Our first car purchase together! Hooray! Such fun.

But today, I am kind of a mess about it to be honest.

 

We really shouldn’t get another car (as in smaller vehicle). We need something a little bigger. The poor kid that sits behind Mr. R when he is driving has to put his feet on top of the head rest since Mr. R has to push the seat back so far. He’s 6’4”. It’s sad and entertaining at the same time.

Do we need third row seating? What if we never get chosen to have any more children? It seems like a waste, but at the same time, most of those third row seats can just be taken out and put in the basement so that it just seems like a regular seating SUV. It wouldn’t be the constant reminder that we are hoping to expand …maybe, some day, eventually.

 

Should we just get a minivan?

Most people we know and trust recommend them to us, but I just can’t be that mom that has a freaking van and only two kids. I can’t. (Sorry if you are reading this and that’s you. Hopefully you have more control over the size of your family than we do and can fill the seats in your car when you would like to.) I feel like looking at the car everyday would be this reminder that I have always hoped that I would have a big family, but I have zero control over that part of my life. None.

Adoption is not a cure for infertility. That kind of heartache seems like it never really, totally leaves. Like the literal pain in my chest I felt when I looked at this gorgeous photo and realized that emotion is not part of my life. It never will be. I do not have the right to “the first touch” because I will never carry a baby for 9 months. That right belongs to the women who are privileged to create and carry life for 9 months just as it should be.

Sigh.
(that’s a jealous sigh, btw. pure 100% envy.)

Stupid infertility …why do you have to be part of this car buying process?

Isn’t it difficult enough?

Tears about this?
Heartache?
Really?
It’s a car.

Boo.
Hiss.

 

Comments

  1. Wendy says

    I loved this post. We felt the same about buying a new car. We like to drive our cars into the ground, which means we have to think about what we'll need in a few years too.
    We went with the mini-van… I am the Mom driving a van with only two kids. When I first started driving it, I felt kind of like I'd finally reached the "real family" category of Mormons. Now when I drive it I see 4 empty seats and wonder if I'll ever have a third child.
    On the up side, people love to travel with us because there is plenty of room :) The extra seating is used on a weekly basis for friends of my girls. However, I would not be sad at all if that van were to mysteriously die this week and I could go back and buy a suv instead :)

  2. Kenna says

    My heart feels for you. Infertility high jacks too much.

    As far as cars go, I'm an SUV kinda girl and I have zero kids. I drive a 2008 Jeep Grand Cherokee and loooooove it. Although I don't know how it fits kiddos. I just assumed that since I only want one it'll fit the kid just fine. :)

    I love you and your face.

  3. Mandee says

    Lindsey, I love you. And I'm sorry that even car buying becomes a reminder of your infertility. But here's something to consider- carpool. In no time you will be carpooling to preschool, t-ball games, etc … and for that alone, you are justified in having extra seats.

  4. Mandee says

    p.s. as an owner of a sequoia, I often wished we had gone with the minivan when I was heaving car seats in and out. Car seats and the sequoia are not a good match. However, I do love our car. We've had it for almost 8 years, and the girl is still going strong. (knock on wood.)

  5. Katie says

    We went through the exact same emotional process when we bought our last car. We went with the suv with a folding third row seat. Most of the time we drive around with it folded up and you can't even tell it's there. Every once in a while I set it up and picture what it would be like to have someone to sit there. But then if I decide that it's too much for me I fold it back up and go about my mary way. Lately we have been setting it up more and more, and think we might need to try to get someone to sit there, But until we become the family who needs a third row for all the kids we have I take comfort in knowing that instead we can be the small-ish family who likes to travel and needs a lot of space for thier stuff.:) Good luck in this big decision.

  6. The Staheli's says

    "i have always hoped that i would have a big family, but i have zero control over that part of my life. none."
    So very true…no control. Worst ever. Good luck in your decision.

  7. Becky says

    Big mormonmobiles could be good even if you just have two kids. . . if you're in cub scouts or YM/ YW, there will always be a ton of kids to drive around. . . your kids' friends, the kids of the person you visit teach who had to go to the hospital, all the camping gear you just need for one kid… room for visiting relatives that you have to pick up at the airport. . . those seats will be full one way or another.

  8. Sissy says

    Here's the thing about the van and tall people. It's the easiest thing. Even if you got some fancy SUV, the chances are that you'd still have to deal with not enough leg room in the back to comfortably seat anyone behind Mr. 6'4". My dad was 6'6" and we loved the van, because we never felt squished. Also, having the extra seats means that you can take you kids and a couple of their friends. Don't view the empty seats as wishes, view them as extra space for friends, grandma and grandpa, etc. It's the most practical thing, I promise. Think about it.

  9. Sally says

    Wow, that photo was beautiful and so heartbreaking at the same time.

    Crazy how the "old friend" named infertility pops up at the strangest times (like buying a car).

    I still am just dumbfounded when people start talking about how they space their kids 1.5 years apart (or whatever amount of time). That much control over their fertility? What would that be like?!?!

  10. Mandy @ The Party of 3 says

    Wow isn't this the truth. I want a bigger car maybe even an SUV but half of me really thinks we will always be a family of 3…vs the family of 4 or 5 I wanted. I have had such a bad day today hearing that yet another friend is pregnant with her 4 child this time and reading your post made me realize I am not alone in my pain and that it's okay to be mad at inferility!!

  11. bell family says

    so i am not familiar with the infertility have had the blessing of having one child and having hte honor of adopting one. We too need a new car and my husband is 6'4" and we have discussed what type of car. I say get the car with the third row seat. You don't know how many times I have needed that third row seat to help someone out and pick up their kids. As your kids get older you to will run in to this and wish you had that third row and I have to say it is fun driving around with a car full of kids even when all of them aren't yours. So, I too am looking at a third row not knowing if I will ever fill it with my own kids but in the meant time I would love to have that third row to take around anyones kids to help them out! (Also the third row is handy for when you have family come and visit. you now have room for everyone in one car) Wish you the best!

  12. elka says

    we have a highlander with 3rd row seating. it's not so big, but not too momish. i'm in love with everything but the color, but it was used and the price was right. at least you'll be prepared if those triplets come you way, right? :)

  13. elka says

    and why is it bad to have a mom car? i just had that thought. truly, isn't it remarkable the blessing called motherhood? i should want to flaunt my mamamobile. i just wish we could afford that just fun car (motorcycle?) every once in awhile.

  14. Paradise Found says

    My advice, not that you asked :), be prepared. Go bigger. Our 3rd baby arrived 5 weeks early and 2 days after we were chosen for her to join our family. We had to go car shopping while waiting for ICPC clearance to drive home. We couldn't fit 3 carseats in our old CRV. I loved my CRV. I hated to rush with such an important, expensive, and lasting decision. I only wanted to think about our new baby and how my other kids were adjusting. Be prepared, even if it's hard to look at the empty seats. They won't be empty for long!

  15. mama k says

    A couple of thoughts…

    We had a minivan without any kids. Great ride, lots of room for friends, family and house project materials.

    Friends whose kids are older than my little one just had to upgrade for third-row seating, because their *two*, school-age kids were always wanting to bring along friends to things.

    Lastly, remember, when you get into these kinds of thoughts, that you never were in control of the size of your family. No one is. There is only one power in control of these things … and you know who it is.

  16. Jewls says

    Those pina coladas in the last post look sooooo yummy!

    As for the car buying..a second car is still a dream for us because we're trying to budget with our adoption fee that's coming up! I would rather have the baby then a new car though, so it's alright! ;)

  17. Stacey says

    Yes, we were the family with 2 kids and a mini van. I felt crazy having so much room and not enough kids to fill it up, but you don't have control over if and when you will be chosen again. You also need to consider the friend factor. What about driving those friends of your two babies around or carpool, heaven forbid. (I'm not a fan of carpool :) ) We now have 3 more kids brought to us by adoption and our 7 seater is offically full up. I now want something bigger to take the occasional friend or better yet to seperate a few of mine. You might just want a van so each sweetie can have his own row. Now that would be living. Good luck with your decision.

  18. Sharon says

    I had to chuckle at the comment about the mini van. We have a minivan and as you know only have 1, and she is a teenager to boot. We got it because at the time we were still in the Army and were traveling a lot and they work great for traveling.

    But yes, I do have to agree, that looking at it reminds me of not having more kids, and that hurts. I wish it didn't, I'm totally o.k. with infertility, well, not totally o.k. but mostly o.k. But it hurts knowing that I have no control over when we might be able to put a carseat into our van. I'm right there with ya! {{{{HUGS}}}}

  19. Alicia says

    i hear ya! this no control thing is the worst part of dealing with infertility. having your family rest in the hands of other people is truly difficult to manage.
    but you do have control over the car buying process. so at least have fun!
    i always thought of that line "if you build it, they will come." so i made a nursery and my baby girl came into our lives. so maybe you can view the third row as beckoning for children to come.
    if you want the third row without the huge mommy-minivan, consider the Mazda5…cute and sporty. Or if you want super roomy – i mean, mr. r can push his seat all the way back and your kids will still have 8ft of leg room – consider the Honda Element. You can only seat 4 but the floors are rubber (good for spills) and the rear floor panel turns into a picnic table. Fun!

  20. mrs. r says

    jewls… i feel ya! we are lucky that we haven't needed another car for the 7 years we have been married.

    and SO grateful. i cannot imagine really enjoying this experience and hope to get a car that will last me like 20 years or something. lol.

  21. Virginia Burnett says

    Ouch. Even though our Daughter is our biological child, that photo still hurts because I had an emergency C-section and was unconscious when she was born. They brought her to me clean, screaming and starving about an hour later while I was shaking uncontrollably from the anesthesia. :(

    As far as cars go – I'm VERY superstitious about buying more seats than you need. When our sweet baby girl was tiny, I went out and bought a double stroller because there were going to be more on the way any minute and I knew had to keep walking that tiny tushie of mine to keep it small. No sooner had the packaging come off the stroller than I was hit with an ectopic pregnancy followed by 2 surgeries, postpartum psychosis, escalated endometriosis symptoms and constant pain.

    Bye bye fertility, bye bye tiny tushie. By the time I could push that stroller around again, it had become a serious mockery of my mommy-hood.

    If it were me, I would get a little car with a high re-sale value and great safety ratings and have a plan to trade up as soon as another awesome Birth Mom finds my awesome family. But there is a lot of wisdom in planning for callings and carpooling with a mini van, too. :)

  22. Mike, Mary, & Maggie says

    We are in the same boat, wondering if we should get that new car with a third row for just in case we get another child (been waiting for almost 18months now for #2). I am just like you second guessing everything. I personally love Minivans and don't care how big of family you have as your kids will have friends to fill it. Just think "If you buy it they will come!!" Think of it more about comfort. Your husband is a tall man and he would be so much more comfortable in a bigger car.
    My husband and I haven't done a lot of things in our lives because of infertility and adoption and the what if's that come along with them. We missed out on a lot of great possibilities. Don't let the "what if's" hold you back. So my advice for you (and I guess myself)is… go for the 3rd seat and get a big dog. The big dog will fill the empty seat for now. Teach that nasty infertility that you won't let it have power over you anymore.

  23. Mike, Mary, & Maggie says

    We are in the same boat, wondering if we should get that new car with a third row for just in case we get another child (been waiting for almost 18months now for #2). I am just like you second guessing everything. I personally love Minivans and don't care how big of family you have as your kids will have friends to fill it. Just think "If you buy it they will come!!" Think of it more about comfort. Your husband is a tall man and he would be so much more comfortable in a bigger car.
    My husband and I haven't done a lot of things in our lives because of infertility and adoption and the what if's that come along with them. We missed out on a lot of great possibilities. Don't let the "what if's" hold you back. So my advice for you (and I guess myself)is… go for the 3rd seat and get a big dog. The big dog will fill the empty seat for now. Teach that nasty infertility that you won't let it have power over you anymore.

  24. moosh in indy. says

    Also? When you have a minivan everyone expects you to drive. Just sayin.
    But then again no one in our house is anywhere near 6'.
    I'll shoosh now.

  25. e & d says

    I'd say go for the 3rd row seating. Even with two kids, carseats take up so much room, its hard to fit an adult in the back seat with them- can't even bring a grandparent along! and with kids in carseats until 60 lbs, that's a lot of years of having to take 2 cars if you have family or friends coming along.
    I loved it when my family got a suburban growing up, we could finally bring friends along and take one car, no fighting over who went with whom!

  26. e & d says

    I'd say go for the 3rd row seating. Even with two kids, carseats take up so much room, its hard to fit an adult in the back seat with them- can't even bring a grandparent along! and with kids in carseats until 60 lbs, that's a lot of years of having to take 2 cars if you have family or friends coming along.
    I loved it when my family got a suburban growing up, we could finally bring friends along and take one car, no fighting over who went with whom!

  27. Ashley says

    okay glad to know it wasn't just me. We have a ford explorer with a third row that folds down so I don't have to feel like I'm expected to fill it.

    However, many tears have been shed in knowing that the likelihood of ever expanding to the back row is slim.

    Reminds me of the kids I dreamed of but probably won't have.

    I'm just so grateful for the one car seat that's back there already. How lucky am I, seriously??

  28. Emily - Good Frau says

    It's so true. Infertility comes up in all the strangest places that no one would expect unless they've been through it. Like buying a house. When we bought our house, we wanted a place we could stay in for a long time. But it's hard to know what size of home you will need when you have no control over your family size. I recently heard "That's a big house for only three people!" Well, hopefully there will be more of us someday.

  29. Just me says

    "adoption is a cure for childlessness–a glorious, thrilling, incredible cure …it, however, is not a cure for infertility."

    What a great statement. When people tell me "Well, you can always adopt!" I am at a loss as to how to explain that the statement is not helpful. You, who love your children endlessly and cherish adoption, have done it for me. How fitting. :)

  30. Melinda says

    That sucks big time.
    But as far as car buying goes, we plan on getting a bigger SUV next time around just for the friend factor. As our kids grow (currently 4 and 6) they have more opportunities to hang with friends and it will be nice to have more space just for pal-in' around.

    P.S. I like to read your blog. I have a lot of friends with infertility issues and you have helped me with saying things the right way, with kindness. Also you have given me a voice to shut up the meanies who are idiots. :) So thanks.

  31. Dustin, Darci, Britton, & Benjamin says

    I feel your pain. Same thing at our house. We had a mini van with two kids for a year and then traded it in for a car again. We're waiting for number 3. We'll see if it happens. If so, maybe we'll try the mini van again…

  32. Dustin, Darci, Britton, & Benjamin says

    I feel your pain. Same thing at our house. We had a mini van with two kids for a year and then traded it in for a car again. We're waiting for number 3. We'll see if it happens. If so, maybe we'll try the mini van again…

  33. Kerri says

    Oh I am so sorry! That photo brings tears to my eyes and I have been able to experience that "first touch" before.

    I do know that when we were on the list to adopt one thought kept me going. I knew that someday I would be able to have my family in the temple to be sealed. How many little children get to go inside the temple, in a sealing room, and have that unique experience? Whenever I got bummed about not being able to bless my baby in church, I would remind myself that I would have the opportunity to have my children in the temple.

    I can't say I understand too much about adoption because while on the adoption list I got pregnant. I have never completed the adoption journey but I did get a glimpse of just the beginning stages of it.

    I still check your blog almost daily because it inspires me and it reminds me of the blessings of an eternal family, no matter how they come to us. I love the new picture of your family in front of the temple … beautiful!

  34. Kaitlyn says

    almost 3 years ago we bought an SUV…we love it it seats 7, has the stowaway 3rd row and at the time our logic was great we can fill it with all our children we will be having and ALAS no babies just a very large car (that sucks gas and such) but its pretty and I feel good in it, and my dogs are content witht he size, by chance we have a baby they can still ride with us (A MUST)they have crossovers, honda CR-V (very nice)and better MPG then full blown SUVs… good luck I HEAR ya loud and clear

  35. Carrie and Jon says

    Wow! It's so great to come to a place where we understand each other. I looked at the totes of clothes in my garage full of baby clothes from my beautiful little girl, and thought, "why in the crap am I saving this? Who knows if we will ever be chosen again…" I broke down and had an infertility moment… this blasted infertility. It hits you in the craziest moments; looking for cars, looking at totes.. Good luck with the car thing:)

  36. Lisa says

    I have a Honda Pilot. Its the best and its just small enough that you will be happy to have the third row laying down. Plus the seats don't have to be pulled out, they stow down. Makes shopping at Costco a lot easier and if you have a double stroller you almost have to have the third row down. Plus when you have play dates or want to go places with friends the third row pops up so easily and you have seating for 8. And WHEN that third little one comes along the third row is divided up and so you can pop one seat up and still have lots of room in the back.

    From a former minivan driving Mom…there is the cool factor too. I love that I'm not the 15th minivan in the line to pick kids up from preschool!

    :)

  37. Tara says

    loved this post. seriously, it's crazy how "unrealated to infertility" decisions, like what kind of car to buy…are still totally affected by your infertility. ANNOYING!
    We are actually doing this right now too. Hubby was online looking at which one he likes best: brands, colors, sizes. And as he was doing this…I totally thought everything you just listed in this post.

  38. signore says

    Just a practical note from a mom of two, you need the extra space for your kid's friends and all their sports stuff!!! Much sympathy on the deep feelings that go with all of this, thank you for opening the window on those feelings for me to understand :).

  39. Linda and Peter says

    We have a vehicle that seats 7…but we have only my husband, my daughter and myself. We planned big but so far it hasn't helped us in the adoption arena. I so hear you and I so get it. The positive side of me wants to say go for the extra room, it does have its benefits. However, the side of me that sees all my extra room wants to keep you from the dark side of seeing that everyday.

    Guess I don't have any real advice but know that I understand completely ((HUGS))
    Linda

  40. Jill says

    I was one of those crazies that had a van when we had 1, yes 1, child! We got a lot of crap about it too. BUT we were the ones that everyone wanted to ride with, the tape (yep it was a VHS) player to watch movies. We were the awesome ones! We have since upgraded to 2 other vans since that VHS playing van! We only have 2 kids now, but the extra room is great. Space for friends,, family, groceries, road trips, etc.
    But along with infertility I do hear you. Been there and it was ROUGH! My kids are 7.5 years apart and those years in between were heartbreaking. We considered adoption, but it didn't feel right for us. Getting comments about having a large car and only 1 kid was devastating at times. Funny how a stupid car can do that to a person.
    I say go bigger on the new car…you can always have your brothers come along for the ride and make it fun for you and the boys!

  41. Christa says

    I know what you mean about things reminding you that you may never has as many kids as you want. We bought a four bedroom house thinking we could fill it up and still have just two kids. We also have a minivan thinking we'd fill that up too. I don't think of it as empty seats anymore, it is great when the grandparents come and we can travel together in one car. Plus when your boys get older, you can put each one in their own row so they won't pester each other so much. Just my two cents worth. I love my mini van, never thought I'd say that. One more thing, we keep our van in our garage, right next to my husband's sports car. I don't have to worry about the kids opening the back doors and hitting his car since the doors slide. Another plus in case you are thinking of getting one.
    From Christa,
    hoping to adopt
    http://www.kevinandchristablog.blogpsot.com

  42. Brenda says

    I was one of those Mom's with two kids and we bought the mini van. LOVE IT!!! My theory is "buy it and they will come!" I think you know in your heart if there are anymore coming…you are in-tune from all that I have witnessed of you. My guess is that you already know you will need the mini van. :)

    Sorry infertility peaks its ugly head in these decisions….I understand because I have been there! I am glad you talk about it so we can all feel normal together!

    Good Luck with vehicle shopping.

  43. Our Family says

    I have a 15 passenger van and 6 kids. I got it big so I could fill it….. even if I do not. Honey you will fill it. With your contacts and desire you will need a 15 passenger. Probably should get that now, forget the minivan. lol

  44. Hannah says

    Thank you. I needed to know that someone else gets it. Feels it. Even about the "silly" things. It's the "silly" things that sometimes hurt the most.

    Blessings!

    Hannah

  45. Ashley says

    Oh, and buying a table had me in hysterics. We have four chairs. I can't justify getting more. I'd love to have a long table with benches. I'd love to need benches.

  46. Amanda Edwards says

    The car thing is SO real. Infertility touches everything and we never know when it will rear its all to real head. Know you are not alone. Many of us face those demons daily too. Thanks for your honesty.

  47. Anonymous says

    Mrs. R-
    I love your blog. REALLY love your blog. Just remember that some people long to experience the amazing, spiritual, and profound experience that adoption is. Not everyone gets to experience being sealed to their children in the temple or having such a special relationship with a birthmom. Your photos of your sealings and placement days of your boys have the Savior written all over them. And not everyone is able to adopt for different reasons. I'm NOT saying that adoption is easy, clearly, clearly, clearly it's not. But, what amazing blessings and experiences and testimony building moments you receive through the gift of adoption. I sometimes feel jipped that I don't get to have those special, profound adoption moments at this time in my life, probably not in the same way that you feel a heart string tug when you see a photo like the one you posted. And I know you long for the moment in this picture, where others may be longing for the moments in yours. But, we are all unique and different and we always look at the grass being greener. We all have our own crosses to bear. Just because someone is easily able to bear children doesn't mean she doesn't have the same amount of struggle or sadness in her life.

    Anyway, this is NOT a criticism, just food for thought… I often struggle when reading my friend's infertility blog because she makes me feel guilty for having struggles because I was able to have one child and have been experiencing infertility the second time around. I long to be able to adopt, but it's not possible for us right now.

    I just don't think that people realize that they are envied sometimes for the experiences they see as hardships and others looking in see differently. Our human minds can't wrap around these types of things!

    Anyway, I love your honesty in your posts and I'm sure you've thought of these things before, but I just felt compelled to comment on it.

  48. Whitney says

    My husband and I bought our 'faith offering' Honda Pilot 2 years ago hoping to fill it with some more chillins. But until it gets filled, our daughter has her choice of where she wants to put her toddler seat and it has been great for picking up extra kids here and there (no worries, they are all kids I know and I have permission from their parents). The second you buy a bigger car, you'll get a calling at church that requires you to drive a bunch of people places. We love our 'faith offering'. Also, leg room.

  49. Life Happens says

    Anonymous…Very well said!

    I was blessed with two beautiful sons and always desired more children. Unfortunately, I had a number of medical issues in my pregnancies and we just knew that it would be too risky for me to have more children. There were few months that we felt it might be worth the risk to try anyways, but we eventually came to our senses. I am totally grateful for my two beautiful boys, but in my heart, I still picture myself as a mom of four beautiful children. My youngest son just celebrated his tenth birthday…and I would like to add to our family through adoption. The thing that I struggle with is that my husband is happy with the two children that we have and doesn't desire to have or adopt more children. Everyday, I pray for his heart to change. I love my family with all of my heart and soul and I am grateful. I am just having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that I am not going to be a mother to more children. Not ever. It is hard to let go of a dream, you know?

    BTW, We have a Ford Expedition. My wish was to fill it with one or two more children. Apparently, that is not going to be the case. I love having plenty of room for extra people. Oh…and for grocery shopping! Just wait until those precious boys of yours starting eating like teenagers! YIKES! You will really appreciate having the extra space in the future. I look forward to reading about what type of vehicle you decide to buy.

    Best Wishes!

  50. Sell...Party Of 4 says

    I wish I had something profound to say. I wish I knew exactly the right words to say. I am still trying to figure out the Lord's timing, but for some reason it always seems to be perfect timing eventually.

    ps buying a car sucks. we bought two this past year.

  51. Miss Marilee says

    *cough cough* Volvo XC90…you would look FAB in it!!! While I love my little S60, you have no idea how incredible I feel when I steal my mom's! GO FOR IT! You deserve a crossover as awesome as you. (My brother is 6'9 and fits just fine! ;) )

  52. RATCH says

    I have SO been there. Fretting over whether we would ever "need" the extra seats but desperately hoping we would. Trying to be practical and only look at what we "need" but the whole time the "what if" is pounding away at my reasoning skills.

    I have a minivan and only 2 kiddos and I am totally offended! Ok, seriously though, I am not offended at all. It was my parents old van and they gave it too us and I am not going to complain about a free van. We definitely don't need all the extra seats but when I drive carpool to kindergarten (It sneaks up on you I tell you what!) I am so grateful for the extra seats. That is something else to consider, carpools etc.

    Our next car will probably be a Honda pilot… because It is the perfect mesh of a van and SUV for me. Also I just can't quite let go of the dream of one day filling up that extra row.

  53. mrs. r says

    oh anonymous, if it were just faith that i needed i would have filled that 15 passenger van by now. 9maybe 2!)

    btw, funniest comment ever "our family." died laughing.

  54. jdb in AZ says

    When I was a teenager I loaded up the family station wagon with friends and drove everywhere. So purchasing a large van for our family (2 adopted kids) wasn't another reminder of infertility issues. We wanted to spread out when we traveled. Whenever we set the cruise control the van automatically headed for Disneyland.

    And the comments about church callings to fit he size of vehicles — I spent 20 years as a YW leader. When I "retired" we bought a PT Cruiser.

    My sister (4 kids) bought a suburban to tow a boat. She called the Suburban her MAV — Mormon Assault Vehicle. Other drivers will yield for a van or a MAV; but they expect smaller cars to get out of the way or get run over.

    Here's a great recipe for virgin pina coladas:

    Combine in Blender:
    12 oz pineapple juice
    1 tablespoon sugar
    2 cups ice cubes (about 12)
    1/4 cup cream of coconut
    Blend til smooth and slushy

  55. Helen says

    I don't care that we are infertile and may only have two kids. I'm buying a minivan. We've suffered enough, I think, and I want a minivan :).

  56. Staci says

    Mini van. Mini van. We don't take out the third row, it folds down into the floor, baby. And we NEVER have to ask for help when buying a couch or table or moving boxes. It fits in our car. It's like having a truck. And there is WAY more room than an SUV. And I am a mom with two kids with not a lot of control over the growing family thing. A van is totally convenient. I will take one of those pinas. Good luck!

  57. Hema and Becky says

    This was such a funny post. We had a car accident this summer that forced us into buying a new car too. We thought and thought about another Camry – but then kept thinking what if we get another baby – what if we get two more – or even three…. (Not all at once – but you know triplets are always on my wish list too! I girl can always hope right;)) And my hubby also needs the seat clear back, so finally I just decided to go with the whole "If you build it, they will come" theory. You know, if we get the bigger car and prepare – the Lord will send those babies. (It's my own made up theory – but I like it – it keeps me full of hope!) We bought a Toyota Sienna a few months ago and I LOVE it! We still just have the 2 sweet kids, but we use the extra seating all the time. My neighbor had a baby and adopted one right close and I drive her little girl to swim team and preschool, my husband was called as YM president and is always needing to take the boys somewhere and we have the room, It is really fun to go somewhere with friends or family and have room for them and their kids – you don't have to just meet them there anymore. I could go on and on. One more thing that I am sure you have already heard – there is so much cargo space and kids can get in and out so easy.
    To be honest, I do sometimes look at the empty 4 seats and pray that someday we can outgrow this van, but usually I am just enjoying the space! Good luck!

  58. katrina says

    buying a minivan while infertile was one of the most difficult things we did. my 6'5" hubby fit too well in a van and i agreed. people were quite rude. why dod you have a van and you don't have kids, planning for the future? My response was always "we like to keep you guys guessing. plus what a great bonus to have a couple with no kids have a van. we can drive your kids around :)" meanwhile i felt like poking them in the eye. minivan's are awesome!!! sliding doors honey!!!

  59. Suzanne says

    grrrh. I just wrote you a mucho long post and it got erased. Oh well.
    I'll just say this, 4 months ago this was me to a "T". Did not ever want to be a minivan mom, dh is 6'5", and we desperately needed a second car. I toyed around with the idea of sedan vs suv. After doing a ton of research on prices, # of seats and ammenities, we ended up buying a used Honda Odyssey. I thought I would feel stupid as, at the time, we only had one child (!) (another on the way, but that could have fallen through), but I have just loved it the whole time. I love that the back row folds down so that I can go garage saleing (sp???) or on trips with tons of space. I keep it down on the weeks I'm not driving carpool. I would have loved to have gotten a Pilot, but we're still students (lol, at least DH is) and had to keep within our budget. I totally get the pain those empty little seats can cause, but I honestly think that all of the extra space is worth the occasional (and more and more less frequent) tinges of pain. Imagine the fun trips to Lowe's with babies in tow and plenty of space for your projects! Good luck, I've never thought car shopping was very fun, lol.

  60. Candland Family says

    Can you look at it as you need a lot of seats in an SUV so your boys can bring their friends places? When you have visitors, everyone can fit in the same rig? Does that help at all?

  61. Anonymous says

    I love this post!! Tese are the kind of crazy situations that stir up those awful infertility emotions that only us infertile women can understand! Do you know how long I've envied women with minivans because that means they have a car full of children. Sometimes I drive past them and count the kids or the car seats in envy/ And how about the new trend of putting little people stickers on the back windshield representing each person of your family? I am so envious when I see a car that has a mom, dad, and 2, 3, or 4 kids. Stupid infertility makes us nutty!

  62. angela says

    Mrs R – You get EXACTLY whichever car/van/suv your little heart desires the most (and you will long for one in particular, after you start test-driving them). That's one decision you get to make – go make the decision that makes you happiest! :>

    Thank you for the photo (Moosh in Indy, whoever you are, thank you for the photo). I could write a million words in response to it, but this is a blog comment, after all. :> Thank you, though. Really.

  63. Anonymous says

    I didn't mean to imply that you don't have faith, but that the act of buying a mini van might be the "works" that are needed to keep your adoption faith for another baby alive. After all, "faith without works is dead."

  64. Leisha & Brian says

    Love our Sequoia. Love the extra seats. Especially for picking up friends. :-) But sometimes when I am driving it around there is that yearning to fill the whole thing up with kids even though I know that 1)it is so outside of my control and 2)that would be way too many kids for my sanity. lol

  65. Leisha & Brian says

    Love our Sequoia. Love the extra seats. Especially for picking up friends. :-) But sometimes when I am driving it around there is that yearning to fill the whole thing up with kids even though I know that 1)it is so outside of my control and 2)that would be way too many kids for my sanity. lol

  66. Alena says

    I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

    Alena

    http://ovarianpain.net

  67. Anonymous says

    Even those of us who are "fertile" and would love to fill up a van with kids cannot for other reasons. Mine being I would LOVE more kids, my husband says he is done. None of us really have control over how many kids we have. The Lord does.

  68. says

    Holy lamp posts! Lol. Everytime I read your blog I’m shocked… it is like you’ve already lived and felt exactly what we are in the midst of living/feeling. I am curious what you guys ended up choosing? Minivan? Small car? Bigger car? (I’m pretty sure, since we’re still only looking for our second kiddo, we’ll get another smaller car or SUV instead of a minivan/bigger SUV).

    • Lindsey says

      LOL! This post is kind of old, but we went with a Yukon. It has 8 seats, but the back row is folded down most of the time. Keeps me sane.

      Turns out I really like driving a big car. Maybe one day I will be able to fill it! :)

  69. C says

    Oh, I am going through and being NOSEY today, lol. And commenting where I feel necessary! I think that you guys made a GREAT choice investing in a 3rd row seat, even though the one seat they would fit fine, just a little snug, haha! I do think Mr R being tall is hilarious, stinky feet by his head, haha!

    But you never know when you will be blessed again after the Miss.. after all, you are miraculous and miracles happen everyday :)

    • Lindsey says

      I love that you are being nosey! You are part of this family now, so you totally should. My oh my how the Good Lord prepares us. Who would have thought back when we bought this car that we would have ever needed a third row. In February, we will have JUST enough seating for three kids and three birthmamas and us to head out to dinner. Or better yet: ROAD TRIP! (I will make that happen one of these days!)

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