Mr. R and I need to get a second car.
I want to and I don’t want to at the same time.
It’s a loooong story.
Previously on the real world, I have been stoked about it! Our first car purchase together! Hooray! Such fun.
But today, I am kind of a mess about it to be honest.
We really shouldn’t get another car (as in smaller vehicle). We need something a little bigger. The poor kid that sits behind Mr. R when he is driving has to put his feet on top of the head rest since Mr. R has to push the seat back so far. He’s 6’4”. It’s sad and entertaining at the same time.
Do we need third row seating? What if we never get chosen to have any more children? It seems like a waste, but at the same time, most of those third row seats can just be taken out and put in the basement so that it just seems like a regular seating SUV. It wouldn’t be the constant reminder that we are hoping to expand …maybe, some day, eventually.
Should we just get a minivan?
Most people we know and trust recommend them to us, but I just can’t be that mom that has a freaking van and only two kids. I can’t. (Sorry if you are reading this and that’s you. Hopefully you have more control over the size of your family than we do and can fill the seats in your car when you would like to.) I feel like looking at the car everyday would be this reminder that I have always hoped that I would have a big family, but I have zero control over that part of my life. None.
Adoption is not a cure for infertility. That kind of heartache seems like it never really, totally leaves. Like the literal pain in my chest I felt when I looked at this gorgeous photo and realized that emotion is not part of my life. It never will be. I do not have the right to “the first touch” because I will never carry a baby for 9 months. That right belongs to the women who are privileged to create and carry life for 9 months just as it should be.
(that’s a jealous sigh, btw. pure 100% envy.)
Stupid infertility …why do you have to be part of this car buying process?
Isn’t it difficult enough?
Tears about this?
It’s a car.