who are the birth mothers on the panel? click HERE.
today my aabm panel is answering the following:
I’m writing this from Mrs.R’s computer watching her and the boys and couldn’t be more sure that they were meant to be Tyson’s family. When I was choosing a family for Tyson I looked through what felt like ALL the profiles that matched my search criteria. I pretty much gave up because I didn’t want to just settle for something that I didn’t feel was right. My mom convinced me to look at a few more profiles and when I saw the R family I felt something I hadn’t felt when looking at others. We talked about this feeling the other day and both agreed that its indescribable. I couldn’t have gotten luckier with the family I chose not just for the communication and openness they have with me but for the most important person, Tyson!
YES YES YES. I don’t think she just went to any random famly. I know without a doubt that the family she is with was meant to be her family. I know that. It’s something I have known very strongly since the day I met them.
anyway the third profile i looked at was this great couple and what do you know, one of their children is african american. They were and are the real deal. I soon found out that they had a very strong impression that they were missing a child, that there was one out there waiting to come home. I am sure a very daunting thought for a family of four. i had a precious moment after i met them for the first time. i went to cafe rio after the face to face and had a melt down in the bathroom. i was on the floor in absolute tears. and it took me a minute to figure out what those tears were about. they weren’t sad tears. but they were tears of peace, tears of calm, tears of joy, and tears of gratitude. it just felt like my little guy was doing his darndest to tell me thank you for finding his family (and they were NOT easy to track down). i could feel how excited he was to be with them again, and i felt his sweet arms of joy around me from the inside out. it is a feeling i know i will never feel again. but that peace and calm and joy is in my heart every time i think of his wonderful family.
they are truly amazing. amazing amazing people, that i really look up to and strive to be more like. truly good people, not perfect by any means, but good. K is his mom and M is his dad. that is all there is to it. and he has two amazing sisters and two amazing brothers. in an email “K” once told me how much these special spirits have fought to be together, and i feel eternally blessed to have been given a front row seat to watch all of these wonderful spirits grow.
I knew then and still know now, that he is with his family. Without a doubt. And that has been both a blessing and a comfort to me. But I also had never been on my knees in prayer more than when I was facing that decision. I looked into adoption as soon as I found out I was pregnant. But the feelings and desire to keep my baby also weighed heavy on my mind. I often tried to figure out a way to make it work so that I could keep him, but those plans always ended up being clouded with doubt and worry. I knew it wasn’t the answer to my prayers, or the right life for my baby. I studied and read through dozens of profiles. And there were couples and agencies that I met with that I knew wanted my baby- and would probably take good care of my baby- but I felt strongly about finding HIS family. And when I read his adoptive parents profile, I knew immediately, within the first paragraph, that I had found his parents.
Making the decision to place your baby is not easy. And it can feel daunting and frustrating to find the right family. But I know if you ask for God’s help, he will not ignore your plea. As difficult as it was to place my baby, it was an amazing experience that helped me to feel closer to my Savior than I ever had previously. I was carried. My prayers were answered. And to this day, I know that my life, and the life of my baby, has been blessed because I chose adoption.
as the next few days and weeks passed, i found i felt more and more at peace and somehow closer to these strangers. even before any contact, they’d become endeared to me.
i was allowed one face to face meeting with them (agency policy was not so open in ’96). i was SO freaked out! this was not open adoption! our correspondence would be so limited! my son’s opinion of me would be based mainly on how i represented myself to these 2 strangers in about an hour and a half! i must’ve tried on every ugly maternity outfit i had but nope, still fat. i wore TOO much makeup and i PRAYED HARD that i wouldn’t get nervous and make a dummy of myself, that i’d be my best self, so that they could tell him he has the cutest, smartest, funnest, nicest birthmom! but i had another even more significant request of God. i told him that i knew they were his family, that i was grateful He’d led me to them and for the peace of mind, that nothing would detur me from this course, but i asked…cautiously, could i please just have some little sign, something i’d always remember, so i could never doubt. and because i did first show faith, and because of His tender mercies, and because i asked, and because He knew my decision was not hinged on it, He gave liberally. He didn’t have to do it. i would have gone through with it. He is so good to me.
when those strangers walked into that little office, i knew them.I recognized them. I can’t tell you from when or where; I don’t know the conversations we had or what the nature of our relationship was, but i remembered those faces! And immediately they were in my heart, as though they’d always been. immediately i felt family love for them. Never before or since have I experienced anything like it. I know now that he was theirs before he was mine. THEY shared him with ME. They are an extension of my family in a way I cannot explain.
i imagine it this way; before we came her, God says “Tamra, you’ll have a tough assignment, you’ll go to parents who are sad and confused, your little soul’s gonna get hurt, you’re gonna stumble, you’re gonna get lost. but don’t worry Tamra, your sister Debbie (A-mom) and your Brothers Gale (A-dad) and Justin (our boy) have volunteered for the rescue effort. Debbie and Gale will wait and pray and cry and wonder and they will share their Justin with you. he will come as your missionary on his way home and though you won’t love yourself enough to get well, you’ll love him enough. and you’ll remember me and i’ll heal you”.