It looks like this family will remain a family of four.
And that is okay.
I am sitting in a packed up nursery rocking in the rocking chair I just refinished as I type this post …and you know what I feel?
Peace. Complete and total peace.
I haven’t thought or said one negative thing about C or her baby or her choice to parent and I never will …nor will I allow anyone else to. C’s baby was never “my baby” because she never placed her with us, but we loved her still and always will.
For the last 6+ months, C and her family have been part of R family and constantly been in our prayers. When we told her we loved her unconditionally, that’s exactly what we meant–without condition, as in not conditional upon placement.
I am excited for her to be a new mom and snuggle on her new chubby baby. I am excited for her terribly difficult pregnancy to come to an end and I pray and pray and pray everything goes smoothly. They deserve all the happiness in the world.
Don’t get me wrong, there were some hard moments last night when we found out. I walked into the newly set up nursery and got the wind literally knocked out of me. I was thankful for the tender mercy of knowing I had a sister-in-law to send five big boxes of gorgeous pink and ruffly baby clothes to. We needed a purpose. As Mr. R and I folded all those tiny clothes (and we have never folded clothing so quickly!) there were some tears as I repeatedly said, “This is so sad, isn’t it?” It is sad. So sad, in fact, that I had to go in and kiss my sleeping little boys for the courage to dismantle said nursery. Any loss of a dream is sad. But, this is the reality of adoption that we knew that going in.
Our boys know it too. In fact, we had given them the language months and months before.
“So boys, the baby’s ‘birthmom’ may decide that she isn’t supposed to be in our family …and that’s okay. We will be okay.”
“Yeah, we will be okay, Mom. Then Gavin will just be our baby.”
“NO! I not a baby. I a Big Boy.”
See? We will all be just fine. Why? Because of the LAW of Hope, the ability to bounce back, the gift of looking forward to a brighter tomorrow, a perfect brightness of hope. Again, it’s the perfect theme for our family this year.
Thanks to all for the love and concern during this awkward time. It’s awkward, right? ;) The texts and phone calls from Tyson and Gavin’s birthmoms mean the most. This message from Gavin’s birthmom sunk deep into my soul:
If nothing else, know that you are loved sooooooo much by Nicole and I. We know what great parents you are and how lucky the boys are to have you two! We also know 3 and 4 years later, that we made the absolute best decision placing the boys in your arms to have and to hold for now and eternity. WE LOVE YOU.
Those ladies. Man, they bring us so much joy.
The show will go on and it will start with Disneyland. We leave in the morning. But, as my dad and I were morbidly joking we don’t think there will be a t-shirt for the boys that says, “They promised me a baby sister and all I got was a lousy trip to Disneyland.”
As Kim and Leish (my besties and business partners) and I say, “If we don’t laugh, we cry.”
Here’s to a brighter tomorrow …and a speedy, easy delivery for C and her beautiful new baby.
*Please know that one of C and my biggest concerns are hate mail. She received plenty of it over the last 6 months and doesn’t need any more. Please help us keep things positive for someone we love very much. A baby is a happy event and no one should make her feel badly about her choice to parent, just as no one should have made her feel badly about her choice to place when that was what she was choosing. It is her choice and we told her repeatedly that we would respect whatever that choice was. Thanks, everyone!
We love you, C.